Hoop

The Hotel Idiotica was proud to play host a few weeks ago to the Lady Gators of Pine Manor College. A relatively obscure women's college outside Boston (obscure enough that all of my extra-Bostonian friends have never heard of it), PMC prides itself on being the most diverse liberal arts college in the country.

After reading reports of last year's games that spoke of sixty turnovers between the two teams as a source of pride, I didn't have much hope for the Lady Gators. Also, I thought the first two members of their team that I met were in middle school.

Herewith, a scouting report, based solely on my impressions and recollections from the front desk:

---Their uniforms, judging from their warmups, are green. Does anyone remember a successful team with green uniforms, besides the Boston Celtics, who once won 11 championships in 13 years and currently have the best record in the league?

---I first came upon the team as I entered the hotel for an afternoon shift and a few of their players were walking away towards the elevator. They had large asses, big booties. Large asses are good for getting rebounds.

---Their point guard, who looked like her name was Tasha, seemed a little wispy and indecisive, and also she looked younger than my little sister looked when she was twelve. I just can't imagine she's that strong with the ball. On the other hand, she did seem to have a good rapport with the girl I marked as their star player, who just seemed like she knew her way around a defense, when to take it to the hole and when to find holes in the defense for a mid-range game. Its always important for the star to have a good relationship with the girl who gets her the ball.

---One girl with a milky complexion had some type of piercing hanging from her lip, like a wishbone or something, and generally wants it to be known that she doesn't need nothing and she knows where the baggage room is, thank you. It's very likely that she does not possess any basketball skills, but she probably tries really hard to set a lot of picks and gets fired up too often.

Obviously the parts are all there, but you never know how its gonna translate onto the court until the ball is tipped. Well, I'm happy to report that the Lady Gators trounced the Brooklyn College Women (that's the actual name of their team) 68-57.

They got lots of rebounds!