Meet the Idiots: Girl With Name that Sounds Like a Columbia Dorm

There are two women who are the two main front desk people at the Hotel during the week: GWNTSLACD and the White Witch. They are both pretty awful people, but they have really fake smiles and they know the booking system really well, so they are basically the manager and the assistant manager of the hotel.

While the White Witch is one of the most heinous people I've ever encountered, GWNTSLACD is somewhat redeemable. She's in her late twenties, she's from Spain, and she's been working here for about three years. She's slender, of short-to-medium height, with a thin face and a prominent nose. I suppose she's not really all that bad; she can be fairly supportive in an I-would-never-do-anything-wrong-but-its-not-really-your-fault, -it's-your-inexperience's-fault kind of way. Her biggest flaw just seems to be that she spends too much time around the moral black hole that is the White Witch, and she hasn't had the strength to resist her. Apparently she divorced her first husband at the urging of the Ice Queen (he probably wasn't hot enough or something) and she used to be kind of sweet, but three years of working alongside the White Witch has left her chilly done the opposite of thawing out her feelings towards others (ok, I'm done).

But really, the worst thing about her, and what causes me to have general ill will towards her, is the way she answers the phones in the mornings. She says the same thing every time: "Good morning, Hotel Idiotica, how may I help you?" in the same lilt that anyone would develop after answering phones for three years. Doesn't seem so bad, right? And the Spanish accent is the sexiest of all accents (It is too sexy!). So what's the problem?

Well, to synesthetize it for you, her morningtide phone manner is essentially verbal diarrhea. It starts off fine, the "Good Morning," is almost normal, but by "Hotel Idiotica," she's pushing out the words in this high-pitched, droney whine. But then, holy God, the words, "How may I help you?" sound like they were forced out by pushing on the chest of a dead muskrat. They sound like you wished you could when you held your nose and stood on your tiptoes and pretended to be a posh older woman offended by a terrible smell, except even higher-pitched and more nasally. The timbre is probably closest to the witches in the movie The Witches after they've all been turned into rat-monsters. Honestly, to me, it sounds like black poop.

And that is Girl With Name that Sounds Like a Columbia Dorm